Noise Talk

   A village on Long Island is considering limiting leaf blowers. Officials in Head of the Harbor have proposed legislation that would allow the use of leaf blowers only between 8:00 am and 5:00 pm on weekdays, and would ban their use on Sundays.  Also, only two hours of use per property lot would be allowed on weekdays, and only one hour on Saturdays.  During “major storms,” leaf blowers could be used for three hours on two consecutive days.

   These proposed restrictions are about as weak as you could get.  First, if a complete ban is good enough for Sundays, why not the rest of the week?  Second, limiting use to two consecutive hours will do nothing.  Hardly anyone uses a leaf blower for that length of time.  Third, the restrictions only apply to individual properties.  It does not impose a restriction on use throughout the neighborhood.  Since leaf blowers can be heard from blocks away, even a two-hour restriction could mean that blowers are constantly blasting.  Fourth, landscaping companies and leaf blower fanatics will certainly find ways to exploit the “major storms” exemption.

   This proposed legislation is meaningless.  What is needed is a complete ban on leaf blowers. About thirteen percent of Californians live in cities that have banned leaf blowers.

   Why should leaf blowers be banned?  Because they are unnecessary, and because they are extremely irritating.

   Whatever happened to a rake and a broom?

   Leaf blowers don’t accomplish anything.  All they do is move leaves around.  They are more appropriately called “dirt blowers.” 

   But they do plenty of damage.  They whine and screech and kick up dirt and dust and debris.  Their nauseating whine can get up to a dangerous 110 decibels.  They sound like dental drills gone bezerk. They disrupt sleep.  They disrupt peace and quiet.  They disrupt an individual’s right to peace and quiet.

   I have seen leaf blowers used to chase down a single leaf.  I have seen leaf blowers used to clean car windshields.

   These moronic devices weren’t even invented until the 1970s, during the California water shortage. Obsessive property owners were hosing down their driveways. Japanese engineers came up with this obnoxious “solution.”

   There is much more appropriate technology available.  The Hoover company manufactures the “Hoover Spin Sweep,” which actually collects dirt and dust and debris–without creating any noise. It retails for around $100.

   How in the world did we ever do without leaf blowers?

   I would give anything to turn back the clock, to live in a world without these stupid noisemakers.

  The Associated Press is reporting that Harley-Davidson will reduce its workforce by 8 percent and cut motorcycle shipments by the thousands.  Domestic sales fell nearly 13 percent in the first quarter of 2008. 

   The Milwaukee-based manufacturer will cut this year’s shipments by between 23,000 and 27,000 units: “That means the company expects to ship between 303,5000 and 307,500 units for the full year, at least 7 percent below last year.”

   To this I say: YEAH!!!!!!!!!!!!  The fewer motorcycles, the better.

   Motorcycle goons are everywhere.  Most of them come with standard equipment: a leather jacket, sunglasses, a bandana, gray hair, a beer belly, faded blue jeans, metal chains, a leather jacket, an American flag, and a thunderous exhaust system. (All to express their “individuality,” of course.)

   I don’t really care about the leather and the metal (though it does look ridiculous).  I do care about the loud exhausts.

   Motorcycle goons would have you believe that motorcycles are naturally noisy, and that “loud pipes save lives.”  Both assertions are laughable.

   Motorcycles are not naturally noisy.  Not all motorcycles are noisy.  The obnoxious thunder from motorcycles result from the deliberate action of testosterone-driven males who did not get sufficient attention from their mothers. Motorcycle goons either remove the muffler or install a “custom muffler” designed to make the maximum amount of noise.  There is no reason why motorcycles should be noisy.

   And as for loud pipes saving lives:

   First, there is not a shred of evidence to support this preposterous claim.

   Second, the obnoxious noise is extremely distracting to motorists.  Loud pipes probably cause more accidents than they supposedly prevent.

   Third, most motorcycle accidents are head-on collisions.  Obviously, motorists ahead of motorcyclists cannot hear the thunderous roar.

   Fourth, if motorcyclists were truly concerned about safety, they would wear helmets, drive defensively, stay within the speed limit, not dart between cars, wear orange protective jackets, and install orange flagpoles on their bikes. 

   Obviously, this does not happen.  Motorcycle goons just want to make noise–all in a vain attempt to prove their virility.

   Fortunately, several American cities are starting to crack down on these Hell’s Angels.  In Anaheim, police have began an aggressive enforcement campaign. In Denver, motorcycles are limited to 82 decibels, and must carry an EPA compliance sticker, proving that the bike’s exhaust has not been tampered with.

   It’s about time.

It’s April 22–Earth Day.

The focus of Earth Day is air pollution, water pollution, and the destruction of the land. There are hundreds of media articles on cutting back on water usage, driving less, urban sprawl, solar energy, and global warming.

But why, on Earth Day, is there almost zero discussion of noise pollution–which is ever-present and just as physically harmful as other sources of pollution?

Al Gore, one of the major environmentalists of our time, has been no help whatsoever to the cause of reducing noise pollution. Gore was vice president for eight years–and yet there was no change in federal policy toward noise!

In 1972, Congress passed the Noise Control Act, which established the Office of Noise Abatement and Control (ONAC) within the US Environmental Protection Agency. ONAC was starting to make progress in the fight for peace and quiet. Yet, in 1981, the Reagan administration de-funded ONAC–essentially abolishing the agency. Reagan’s argument was the noise pollution–besides being relatively unimportant–was strictly a state and local matter.

And look at how much worse the situation has gotten in the last 27 years! Obnoxious motorcyclists–with their illegal “custom mufflers” are everywhere. Hundreds of thousands of boom car boys thunderously pound through neighborhoods. Leaf blowers–which were not even invented until the 1970s–are now standard suburban equipment, creating leaf blower hell. Car alarms (which everyone assumes to be a false alarm) pointlessly blare and screech .

The Reagan administration was definitely wrong: people do care about noise pollution. A 2000 Census Bureau report indicated that noise is Americans’ number one complaint about their neighborhoods, and the #1 reason why they wish to move. Ninety percent of the calls to New York City’s quality of life hotline concern noise.

Many people write to Noise Free America thinking they are the “only one” who cares about noise. They are enormously relieved when they discover that many other people feel the same way. We are truly the “Silent Majority.” But we’re not going to remain silent any longer.

My hero in Congress is Representative Nita Lowey, a Democrat from New York. Numerous times, she has introduced “The Quiet Communities Act,” which would reestablish the federal noise pollution control office. Each legislative session, the voices of the noise-industrial complex (represented on this site by the “Corporate Noisemakers”) kill the bill. Send Representative Lowey a note telling her how much you support her efforts.

And so, on this Earth Day, take a pledge to reduce your own production of noise. Here is a Personal Checklist, developed by Noise Free America:

1. Do not use leaf blowers.

2. Do not hire a gardener who uses leaf blowers.

3. Do not use a keyless car entry system.

4. Do not install back-up beepers on your car or van.

5. Do not use a car alarm. Use the Club instead.

6. Ride your bike or walk as much as possible.

7. Keep your car muffler in good working order.

8. Do not blast your car stereo.

9. When you have a guest in your vehicle, turn down the radio–or ask your guest about their preferences.

10. If you like your music loud, use headphones.

11. Do not mow your lawn before 9:00 am or after 9:00 pm.

12. Do not use power hedge trimmers.

13. Try to avoid revving your car or motorcycle unnecessarily.

14. Use your car horn only in emergencies.

15. Do not announce your arrival at someone else’s house by honking.

16. Do not use hair dryers in public bathrooms.

17. Do not use electric swimsuit drying machines in public bathrooms.

18. Try to position noisy household equipment such as washing machines away from partition walls.

19. Use washing machines and dish washers sparingly.

20, Use washing machines and dish washers only after 9:00 am and before 9:00 pm.

21. Move your TV and stereo away from your neighbors’ walls.

22. Keep the volume of your TV, stereo, and radio as low as possible.

23. For home stereos, keep the bass at an extremely low level.

24. Put fitting carpets over floor boards and curtains on windows to reduce everyday noise in your home.

25. If you own a dog, train the dog not to bark unnecessarily. Never leave your dog alone for long periods; ask a friend to exercise it during your absence.

26. If you buy a new washing machine, choose the quietest model.

27. If you buy a new air conditioner, choose the quietest model.

28. If you buy a new vacuum cleaner, choose the quietest model.

29. Warn your neighbors if you are going to make unavoidable noise. If you’re having a party, invite them!

30. Turn down the volume on your telephone.

31. Use voice mail instead of an answering machine.

32. Always have your cell phone on vibrate.

33. If you own a store or restaurant, closely monitor noise levels.

34. If construction workers are remodeling your home, tell them not to begin before 8:00 am. Tell them to limit the use of jackhammers.

35. If someone lodges a noise complaint against you, treat it seriously.

   I hate noise–whether it’s from boom cars, motorcycles, leaf blowers, car alarms, loud pipes, Muzak, weed whackers, train horns, back-up beepers, or barking dogs. Most noise is completely unnecessary.  Most noise is completely stupid. 

   Many people love making noise.  Blasting their loud car stereos through a residential neighborhood makes them feel powerful.  Having a loud car alarm lets alerts the world to the car owner’s wealth.  Using a leaf blower (besides being a sign of mental illness) makes a person feel virile.

   If you doubt that many people love making noise, check out the “Love Notes” section of this web site!

   And be sure to check out the other features of NoiseTalk–”Where America Confronts the Noisemakers.” On this site, you may:

    -Check out my blog on the evils of noise

    -View our videos on noise

    -Read our daily news feed on noise

    -Read the hate mail noisemakers have sent

    -submit your response to the rants of the noise bullies

    -submit your own report on your noisy neighbors

    -post your own video on your noise situation

    -check on the links to Corporate Noisemakers

    -create your own blog

   There’s plenty to talk about.  In coming days, we’ll consider declining sales of Harleys (yeah!), malicious boom car ads, unnecessary inventions, car racing, the ridiculous argument that “loud pipes save lives,” the absurd (and illegal) practice of car honking tied to keyless entry, rotten neighbors, Muzak, the link between noise and school achievement, and the relationship between noise and crime.  We’ll look at Muzak, dirt bikes, hot rods, why people let their dogs bark all day long, the obsession many people have with their lawns, and the fact that many noisemakers seem to be illiterate.

   We hope to see you often!